This is my first post on this blog. I didn’t think I had much to contribute until now.
Recent experiences within the last eight months with my father-in-law’s surprise brain tumor has put alot of things into perspective; primarily the example I need to show my children through all of this.
My father-in-law, Bob, and his wife, Gail, are non-practicing Lutherans. My wife, Kathy, converted when we got married. I grew up Catholic and my kids, Nicholas (11), Rebecca (9), and Emily (7) currently attend the same Catholic Elementary school I attended.
Bob was diagnosed with a brain tumor in March. By this time, his left side was all but paralyzed. Within four days of its discovery, he was undergoing serious surgery to remove it.
We did not take the kids to the hospital that day.
Bob came out o the surgery fine. The neurosurgeon was pleased. Bob remained in the hospital for two weeks. He woke up a few hours after the surgery and was talking with all of us for the next two days.
We took the kids the day after the surgery to visit. They watched how Gail, Kathy, Bobby (my brother-in-law from across the US) and I interacted. It was awkward for them seeing their grandpa so vulnerable and weak. Before the tumor he was very active and stubborn – and he loved his grandchildren like nothing else.
Bob remained in the hospital for two weeks. He had a few seizures and went into almost a comatose state for six or seven days. Nothing to worry about, the doc said.
We brought the kids up every day to see him. It became less awkward for them. They continued to watch.
He eventually was able to leave the hospital and go to a rehabilitation center. He stayed there for three weeks and worked very hard to get his strength back.
We drove the kids 45 minutes everyday after school and on the weekends to see Bob. The center became a second home to them – and to us. I don’t think they watched us as closely then.
Since then he has had his ups and downs, but the kids have really rallied. They have such resilience.
He had a major setback last week. He reacted to some of his medication and his symptoms mirrored a stroke. Last Sunday evening we were all over his house for a couple of hours trying to prepare him to go to the hospital. We finally had to call the EMTs to transport him.
The kids watched and asked questions. I answered them as honestly and gently as I could.
We took him to another rehab center last night. The kids and I sat in his semi private room while he slept and Kathy and Gail were signing paperwork. We sat there for two hours, until 9:00 pm. They never complained. I was amazed.
The kids hadn’t eaten dinner. They were exhausted from visiting Bob the five prior nights until 8:30 pm, going home, eating, finishing homework and getting to bed late.
Why am I telling you all of this?
It dawned on me that I really shouldn’t be amazed at their behavior last night, or even in the last eight months. They only acted as they saw me act. As they saw Gail and Kathy act.
They haven’t had the best eight months either. With Bob’s ups and downs, they have frequently missed birthday parties, play dates, homework time, and our regular evening meal at the table. But I think they have gained something else – true empathy and respect for their elders.
Being a good Catholic dad means being a good Catholic son (in-law), and a good Catholic husband.
Keep us in your prayers.
Pax.
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That is so true. We are our children's primary example in dealing with life.We'll keep you, your family and your father-in-law in my families prayers.