Long time, no post. Sorry.
I have started to play board games with my older two children lately, and I have a rule–I don’t roll over and play dead so they can “win” a game. I will modify the rules so the game is easier for everybody, but throwing a game just doesn’t seem right. I also patiently explain to them where they went wrong and how to play a better game next time.
When they beat me–and they have already, in the classic Game of the States–it’s for real.
I think I’m doing the right thing, but any reality check is welcome.
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I would agree. My sons love to play board games, monopoly, chess, risk…I may not play all out, but I definitely don't try to lose. But fair play is the point. I remember the first time my brother and and I beat my dad at Risk. He didn't say much and went outside. We thought he was really mad or hurt. Perhaps it was that we ganged up on him, but I always felt a bit bad beating my dad.
I'd agree with you, Dale. It's one thing to praise your kids when they make good moves, and to teach them how you beat them, or even to simplify the game for everybody—it's another thing altogether to throw the game. When you praise them, they ought to be able to know that you mean it; when they beat you (and they will) they ought to be able to know that it was fair and square.Of course, when they beat you, you also get a chance to model graceful losing
.Peace,–Peter
I think you are right on. Beating your dad is something. Heck, it still is for me. I bowl with my pops weekly, and if I can beat him it is a big deal.I am the same way with my kids. They would know if I threw it, and it wouldn't count.I have handicapped myself, in games though. But they know I am handicapped. They get the pleasure of beating me, but the handicap decreases next time.
I liked how Bishop Sheen put it – Mom's represent God's mercy, Dad's represent God's justice. How can you represent justice if you through games?
Another voice in agreement. The key is, as you said, teaching them what they did wrong. When she was four, my daughter was a master strategist at the board game "Trouble". We had so much fun because she knew when (I mean "if") she beat me, she earned it.
I sometimes cook the rules to give them an advantage but only because it draws out a competitive spirit in me. And yes, beating your dad should be something …
I play to win; but as most of the games are at least partially games of chance, I lose as often as I win.And besides, my kids are pretty smart.
Just letting the kids win wouldn't be doing anyone any favors. They would get more out of it if you play to win.
Guess I'll be the dissenting voice on this one. When playing with my firstborn son (now 24 yrs. old), I'd throw the occasional game just to keep his interest in it. Otherwise it seemed he'd decline playing all because, "You ALWAYS win, Dad".
Subvet,Yes, discouragement is a danger. That's why I'm so quick to praise them when they make a good move (pointing out why it's a good move, since I can't be sure they know that). While their skill level is low, I'll also talk through the game situation from their side, as well as from mine; they learn how to think about the game (or at least how I think about the game), and the game becomes less about competition than it is about time with Dad. Later, when their skill level gets high enough to be competitive, I'll talk less, and the game gets to be more about the competitive aspect.Of course, it helps that I love teaching. Your mileage may vary.Peace,–Peter
Thanks for all your input, pro and con–very helpful!
Just back from the CL shindig in NYC, but I wanted to say yes, don't throw it. I will never forget the sweetness of beating my Dad in a chess match after 11 years of drubbing.
I think that, at least the first few times, learning the rules is the main goal so I might throw a game just to give them a chance to discover how to win. I can't imagine throwing more than a game or two. I agree that beating Dad should be an accomplishment.I really like the idea of explaining good moves and bad moves as an educational tool.Then again, my eldest is only at "Candyland" level so there isn't much strategy yet. And definitely modify the rules to make the game quicker.
We believe in winning at any cost. Losing is for losers!Surrender?Death First!!!!We're a competitive family, what can I say?