Crossposted at Bettnet.
We’re just about six weeks away from our delivery date for our new daughter, Sophia Therese. It’s funny that what worried me last time–labor, delivery, and what to expect being a new dad–is not what worries me this time. In fact, the actual delivery of the baby is hardly on my radar screen (sorry, Melanie).
No, what most fills my thoughts right now is how we’re going to deal with Isabella (20-months-old now). More specifically, how am I going to deal with her in mommy’s absence? When the time comes do we take her with us somehow or do we drop her off with my sister? What if it’s the middle of the night? How will she cope with the disruption and not being able to see mommy for some period of time? (She’s never been away from mommy for more than a few hours.)
What do I do with Isabella after Sophia is born? Will I be able to get her to bed and how will I deal with the inevitable calling for mommy? What if Melanie has to have another C-section and is in the hospital for four days? What about after, if she’s not allowed to lift Bella?
It’s not like I’m incapable of doing these things. As it is now, I’m an integral part of her routine. At bedtime, Melanie and I switch off bathing her, but I’m always the one to take her to her bedroom and dry her off and play with her while getting her ready for bed. I brush her hair and her teeth and get her new diaper and her pajamas on her. But it’s Melanie who rocks her to sleep and puts her down.
I wonder what other dads have done, when faced with the dilemma of the birth of their second child. If you didn’t have ready help–your mom or your wife’s mom, for example–how did you cope?
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You just do, man.
During the delivery, right, drop her off with the sister, or get the sister to come over.
The rest, I expect you’ll find as I did, is nowhere near as hard as you expect. Fears are normal for parents in your position. But additional children are normal, too. You’ll find that the first one will adapt famously.
And that close together in age, you’ll find, is the best recipe that the two will be good friends.
Congratulations, Dom!
Dom–1. Have the sister on-call, meaning you can get in touch even if it IS the middle of the night.
2. Decide now who goes where. Say, during the day Isabella goes to her, but at night sister comes over?
3. If Melanie has another c-section and thus can’t lift a 20-pound toddler, arrange a changing station on the floor with wipes and diapers in easy reach. If you don’t have that already…
4. Have a backup plan in case Sister is ill or has an emergency herself. If you don’t, you’ll need one.
As far as coping with the hospital time, it’s like Paul said–you just do. I found the hardest thing about having another child was leaving the first.
Remember, too–the biggest jump is from one to two. After that, it’s already been done.
God bless!
Make a big deal out of it! Take your daughter shopping for a present for the new baby. Have a t-shirt made saying “I’m a Big Sister” or “I’m n____’s Big Sister” If posible have her brought in to see the baby as soon as it’s born (this might not be allowed by the hospital in the wintertime with all the bad contagious stuff going around) For nocturnal stuff, it is probably going to be harder on you than your daughter (you’ll never take momma’s place!) Just do the best you can and pray. Don’t sweat the small stuff that hasn’t even happened yet(I’ve been there and done that!)
!
Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS
Can I second Paul’s advice?
Everyone else has great suggestions, but when it comes down to it, you just take care of what needs to be taken care of when it needs to be taken care of. You will figure it out as you go along.
A very good friend once told me that God gives you the grace to handle what’s on your plate RIGHT NOW–not what WILL be on your plate in a week, a month, a year.
Can’t wait to see baby pics!