Ben Trovato’s passing reference to altar girls in a post earlier last week prompted me to recall a conversation that came up a few weeks ago, just after Christmas, while our family was having dinner with some relatives.
The conversation was about our kids (we have three girls, ages 3, 4, and almost 6; one boy, age 20 months; and our fifth child is due in April), and one of my aunts made a comment about how our girls will enjoy serving Mass.
Both my wife and I were caught off-guard, and weren’t really sure how to respond. Since we hope our son(s), but not our daughters, will be able to serve Mass one day, it made for one of those awkward moments that happen on occasion at family dinners.
My mom, in eminently helpful fashion, made the comment that the parish we normally go to doesn’t, in fact, allow altar girls, and I made the point that as far as I knew, a pastor of a parish had the right to do that; then the conversation was steered in a different direction.
Looking back, I was grateful that that was the end of it — partly because I didn’t feel like getting into a big family argument in between bites of my mom’s applesauce Jell-O — but also because I didn’t feel prepared at the time to give a good, sound explanation as to why we will only have our boys serve Mass, and not our girls.
Now, I realize that the Church currently allows girls to serve Mass; so, assuming the proper diocesan and parochial permission has been granted, it is by no means wrong for parents to allow their daughters to do so.
Rather, one might say this is an issue that’s on the Church’s “Negotiables List” (and not her “Non-Negotiables List”). Thus, for us Catholic parents, deciding whether to allow our daughters to serve Mass is a matter of prudential judgment.
All this having been said, I’m very curious to hear the thoughts of others in Catholic Dads-Land on this issue.
I’m especially curious to know:
1. Do/will/did your daughters serve Mass?
2. When people ask you why you do or don’t allow your daughters to serve Mass, what do you say?
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1) The Diocese of Arlington has, until recently, not allowed female altar servers. Now, it is at the priest's discretion for his parish. As the father of 5 girls, they don't serve (or wouldn't if it was an option). As the father of 3 boys, they are strongly encouraged to. 2 have so far, and the third still has about 4 years to grow.2) "This is where our future priests will come from–boys who care enough to serve as youth. My daughters will never be priests, so I don't see the point. Besides, I don't want to see the miniskirts and giant clunky shoes up there. Yes, I know you are proud of your granddaughter, but that isn't the point." OK, it isn't a popular answer, so I'm really glad my priest opts out. He knows how I feel though.Also, if being an altar server is seen as something that "girls do", fewer boys will do it. I know that isn't an "enlightened" view, but I don't know many "enlightened" 12 year olds!
I agree with FamilyMan and would add more. Yes, the church does permit this, but it is interesting to look at the history of this innovation. It was introduced illicitly and permission was achieved retrospectively… I do not think one can say that it is the will of the Church, but rather a concession to the noisy and disobedient…In my view, it is also concession to the secular worldview that equates difference with inequality, and its loudest proponents (in my experience) are those who reject the teaching of the Church on an all-male priesthood.Further it is a total breach with tradition, and seems to me to be a degradation of the sense of the sacred (as is the more general opening up of the sanctuary, once a sacred space, to any Tom Dick or Harriet…)And at a practical level it will result in only girls serving, and fewer vocations.
Oh, and to answer John's questions, none of my three girls serve; my boy doesn't either, as when I asked my PP to confirm he wouldn't be required to do anything that prior to 1961 would have been considered wrong, my PP was not prepared to confirm that.He has occasionally acted as a torch-bearer at Latin masses, but we are not able to attend regularly enough for him to serve regularly.If people ask about this policy, I simply say that I think the change is ill-advised and that I prefer to stick to the traditional ways of doing things.
The Byzantine Catholic Church as with most Eastern Catholic Churches expressly forbids women from serving the altar. So, my girls won't be doing it.
JosephusI'm interested in that: do the Eastern Catholic Churches also maintain a male-only sanctuary (eg no female readers etc.)?
Altar girls is a completely Novus Ordo concept (the New Order of Catholicism). The tradition has servers at the altar an extension of the Priesthood; which is of course male. If you are up on your arguments against women priests, then the same applies. It has also always been a way vocations have flourished (although there is little mystery in the modern Mass to inspire at the moment), and at present boys seem to be forced out of the role of serving in favour of girls, who seem to feminise the role. Also, lectors have always been a minor order in the church. It is thus equally repugnant for women to proclaim the readings as it is for women to be priests. All this just depends which side of the fence you sit. I'm on the opposing side to Cherie Blair as it happens.
I agree that I would prefer to have altar servers as boys. Both my daughter and son know that. I live in a diocese where that is not happening. My eldest daughter asked to be able to serve – again, she knows that I would prefer the rules changed. After some discerning we decided that she could. I did not see the benefit, spiritual or otherwise of forbidding to her what the Church allows, and I have seen spiritual fruit born from the decision. Indeed, she serves as a positive example to others on how to serve. Should there come a time when there is parish discussion on returning to all boy servers, I suspect that my opinion as father of one of the best female altar servers in favor of an all male option may carry some weight.
The altar girl issue is, for me, like the communion in the hand issue. I don't really have a problem with either practice per say, but I resent how they introduced these things illicitly, and I don't like the people who are all gung ho for them.
I see no problem with my daughter serving on the altar. It's allowed by the Church and that ends it for me. Playing backseat driver on things like this is too similar to complaints normally heard from the more liberal side of the pews. Someone takes offense about something, finds justification to denigrate it and then moves on to proclaim a "purer, more faithful" Catholicism. Take your pick of what might offend, it could be nonordination of women, the ban against artificial birth control, etc. To have this reasoning come from "traditionally minded" Catholics would be funny if it wasn't so ridiculous. Tradition or not, boys are no longer the exclusive servers on the altar. Rome allows it and I fail to see how it weakens the Church. As for tying the drop in vocations to the increase of girls on the altar, correlation doesn't prove causation. Just my opinion.
I agree with RobK. I don't agree with the concept of altar girls. But both my diocese and pastor approve of this practice, so when my shepherds speak, I generally say: "Baaaa".What I will put my foot down on are things that *are* forbidden, such as girls dressing like little priests in cassocks and surplices. Girls should wear albs. That hasn't occurred in our parish. All servers of either sex wear albs (though I wish they wouldn't wear the T-shirts with saying on them that bleed through the thin material.
I'll chime in that I wouldn't allow my daughters to serve, if/when I have any. Only sons for now. I would like to have young girls more involved with some sort of junior altar society, but I guess that wouldn't be very politically correct. I know my wife would back me up and help explain to our daughters our reasoning.Hey Catholic Dad bloggers, how about a post on women covering their heads? I'd love to know some others' opinions on that one.
My daughters (I have 3) have never served (and nor will I allow them to).If I am asked why I simply say that I think that women serving on the sanctuary is a type of liturgical lesbianism and I find it non-conducive to good liturgy.Then I have a chuckle as they try to come to terms with what I've just said.
DavidI love 'liturgical lesbianism' (the phrase, I mean, not the reality!)