He’s discovered his lungs.
When he whimpers and cries over and over while Marisa is feeding him, taking the nipple out of his mouth so he can complain how hungry he is, crying in the car seat, crying when he’s being held, and, yes, screaming bloody murder when I’m changing him, because he wanted food to come first . . . it puts my nerves on edge and makes me crabby.
Marisa was worried about me, and I find that loving and sweet. She brought Liam in and said for him, “I love my Poppa. I just need to scream, too!”
But much as I wish he could find more joy in the world right now (so the rest of us can too), let’s think about it developmentally. He became more dissatisfied with the world after he became a lot more aware of it around mid-December, more alert, more energetic and involved. I’m glad he’s more involved! The flip side of his screaming is his smiling — which he did in church on December 14, dispelling our growing worries that he was hitting his first delay, and making me get teary-eyed. We love his smiles!
We love how much more attention he’s paying to the world — staring at me incessantly (which feeds my ego no end), laughing when Marisa sings the ABC song to him, watching us from across the room, talking and cooing . . . it’s all so normal, so delightful, so much what we needed to see so we could stop worrying about Down’s-related delays for a while!
And we love the way he sticks his lower lip out in an exaggerated caricature of a pout, and trembles it. Can you make your lip tremble? It’s a lost art!
When he screams something like, “This is worse than feeding me to alligators! This is like pulling my toes off! It has to stop NOW!” — and when he does it because I’ve pulled the bottle out of his mouth so it can refill with air (!) — is he showing anticipation, remembering what he wants to feel? Is there a sort of proto-deceit, in which he works himself up into a tantrum, because if a little crying gets him fed, a lot more will do it all the better? Even if it’s just Pavlovian learning (crying worked before, so I’ll do more of it), it shows he’s thinking more outside himself.
Yes, I’m serious: I’m actually happy that my boy may be showing the capability of deceit (self-deceit), because it’s development of a mental ability. If he didn’t have Down syndrome, maybe I’d roll my eyes and say, Yeesh, original sin sure does come early! But from me, even a tantrum is better than being unable to work up a tantrum. I’m proud of his initiative. Isn’t that bizarre?
And he’s so much more fun to play with now. I suppose it really is two sides of a coin: he’s much more present with his views. When he won’t stop wailing, I want to pull my hair out. But when he won’t stop playing and cooing . . . he’s got me hooked.
(The original of this post is at http://letterstoliam.com.)
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To help your son, check into http://www.iahp.org. Their techniques help children who have brain issues. Dr. Glenn Doman and his team of collaborators pioneered many techniques in the 1950s that others "discovered" and tried to mass market 40 years later. It's good to recognize your son's milestones as achievements. By stimulating your son's learning abilities, you can reach more milestones – and earlier than you might otherwise expect. Following the IAHP techniques is a time commitment, but not a huge money commitment, and your son is worth the investment.
Do you have experience with IAHP? I read about it, but I wasn't sure if it was sound science. I would love to know if it is.
Also highly recommended is Down Syndrome Education International http://www.downsed.org/. They have all sorts of leaflets for stimulating your child through play. Are you in touch with other dads of children with Downs? Solidarity is Life!
Thanks for the tips, everyone; I'll check it out!No, I know one other father of a Down's child, but he's very quiet. (Coming over tonight, but his wife will do all the talking!) For all that, I don't know many fathers of young children, period.
Take the quiet dad into another room for a while, and get him to talk. Or just meet him for lunch or after work. Tell your wife about this in advance. Our son was not clearly "brain injured." He was low weight, a couple of weeks early, etc., and still has learning issues today. However, because of the IAHP methods, he is on pace with his classmates and ahead in many ways. We're doing the program with our youngest now. I could go on for hours about the program. Every child is unique, and so are the parents. All Down's children do not have the same needs. You can tailor the program to your abilities and the child's interests and needs. You can pull additive information from other programs as well. I don't have specific experience with Down's children, but I highly recommend the IAHP methods for any child. We found the on site class very helpful. The book on "physically superb" is probably the one we would have been least likely to purchase initially, but it ended up being the book we referred to most. The "What to do…" book may be most useful to you. One of the best things you can give your son is parents who aren't overly stressed by trying to cram too much into life. Stress can make you angry, and children are more perceptive than you know! Your son will notice if the "joy,joy,joy" is a fake because you'd really rather quiz him and see if he answers correctly. If you have doubts, borrow the books through your public library's inter-library loan service. Or post a way to contact you such as e-mail. (I'll watch this post by e-mail.)Good luck, and remember that God has a plan.
By the way, it's pretty amazing how some babies can do that "completely-upside-down-happy-face-with-quivering-lower-lip." Man, that'll get your attention.
Will–Don't take this the wrong way, but… Are you SURE Liam is Down's? He sounds perfectly normal.
Yes, we're sure — but isn't it delightful things are going so well you have to ask!