Catholic Dads

The topic of baby names came up this week which is an endless source of amusement in my house and among my extended family (because the need for it arises so often). We alternate between being actually helpful and trying to come up with the most awful combinations imaginable. Inevitably, the Bad Baby Names site gets mentioned.

For us, anything Germanic is a hoot: Ursula, Helga, Gunther, Gretchen. My brother suggested some selections from the Classics as a strategy to keep your daughter from dating: Gomorrah Chlamydia.

Many people like to be as Catholic as they can, so you get a lot of John Pauls, Benedicts, Mary Katherines, Annes, Elizabeths, or any of the 12 Apostles.

Not to be outdone, I have maintained for several years that you could name your domestic church after the Creed: a boy named Juan Julio and a girl named Kathy Apostolic. (I’ll wait while that one sinks in …)

Your second daughter could simply be named May (or Mae) and a middle name beginning with “I”; that way when she becomes the superior of her convent, she automatically becomes “Mother May I.”.

My sister-in-law was musing on things Irish and pointed out that the name Brigid is apparently pronounced “Breed” in Gaelic. Following the time honored tradition of starting all Catholic girl names with “Mary” or some derivative such as Marion or MaryAnn, we accidentally hit upon the new All-Time Worst Catholic Girl Name: MaryAnn Brigid.

Yes, that would be pronounced: Marry and Breed. Oy!

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