Life has been like Chinese food, a little sweet and a little sour. I’m “out there” making money to support my family, but I also don’t see the people my money supports. My prayer lately is that God helps me to revise the American dream. I’m specifically requesting more time to be “present”, to be energetic, to be available, to be vital, to bring to my family the grace that comes from living my vocation the way God wants me to. That’s the only way I can see for the American Dream to make sense.
Otherwise there’s work, money, and everything else that entails. At the end of the day, if there’s enough in my energy banks, my family ends up getting the dregs. I’m sure some people out there wish they even had THAT. I recognize, of course, the idea of sanctifying work and also the more practical, “I do things away from my family for the sake of my family.” There’s a means and there’s an end.
My goal right now, though, is to marry the two. I’d rather not have finances distract my wife and I from family. But as God has ordained it, things happen the way they happen. There’s purging to be had, gold being tested in fire and all of that. So I’ll wait patiently and see how God decides to respond. Then I’ll ask him for the courage to say “yes” whether it turns out to be sweet or sour. Or both.
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If we maintain the same expectations of having the brand name clothes, gadget and gizmo cars, relaxing vacations, socializing while the kids are home with the nanny, etc., we'll always be working away from home too much and too late. I've seen bumper stickers that say, "I support a living wage," which I think means that only one parent has to work outside the home. My wife and I have been doing this for years, but it is difficult financially. Even if she is home for the kids, my youngest is often in bed before I get home. I think I understand your lament. Good luck on finding a solution. God always answers prayers, but sometimes the answer is, "No," or "not right now." In any case, it's better to start exploring options sooner rather than later.
I'll count myself blessed for having only a 35 minute commute. I'm also home to eat and pray with my daughter before she goes to sleep. Not every dad can do that. Thanks for the comments and encouragement. I'll keep praying for all of our families.
I'm currently in law school and this is a big fear I have–not being able to give adequate time to my family. (After all, what is "adequate"?)Right now, we're making it work with my wife at home, and we're committed to that. I just hope that I can avoid getting caught up in the lifestyle so I choose to come home rather than stay at the office for the extra billable hour when the time comes.Thanks for the thoughts, and I will add to the prayers.
As the urologist said, “This, too, shall pass.”
I was in a similar situation where I worked 2.5 hours away from my home, and spent time with my wife only 3.5 days a week. It was awful. But now I have a better job with only a 90-minute commute, and 40 minutes of that is on a train, where I can relax.
On a practical note, I can recommend http://www.pray-as-you-go.org for podcasts while you travel, and http://www.themadmusicarchive.com for some slightly sillier options. They kept me sane on my crazy commute.
I'll keep you in prayer. Pray for the intercession of St. Joseph.