For many years the leadership of the Catholic Church in America (and perhaps elsewhere) have been talking about the crisis in vocations to the priesthood and religious life. In the conversation to address the issue of the crisis in the priesthood, there have been many suggestions made. Stepping up the campaign to recruit good men, allowing priests to marry, and allowing women to become priests have been popular ideas floating around. While there are people that have strong arguments on both sides of the married priest and female priest debate, I’m not going to address this debate now. If you want to know my views on women priests, you can read my post on why women can’t be priests. There is one idea that I have heard that I feel needs more attention, and that is encouraging marriage.
When I first heard of the idea of promoting marriage as a way to increase celibate vocations, I didn’t understand the connection between the two. I mean, how can a marriage encourage celibacy? It just didn’t make sense to me. But I heard this idea from several sources. So I spent some time thinking about it, and it started to make sense. Marriage and holy orders are both vocations–they both are a commitment. They are both covenants: marriage a covenant between man, woman, and God and holy orders a covenant between man, the Church, and God.
Marriage is also in a crisis, like holy orders. Fewer and fewer people are choosing to get married. And for those of that do decide to marry, many of those marriages end in divorce. People are no longer making the commitment to married life. Many Catholics are no longer taking this sacrament seriously. However, people are still having children. And we have (and are continuing to) raise a culture of children that does not understand the commitment to a vocation because they don’t see it modeled in their own lives.
If we, as a culture, aren’t making a commitment to the vocation, the sacrament, of marriage, how can we expect our children to make that commitment as well? We need to model that committed behavior in our lives, in our relationship with our spouses. If we can address the marriage crisis by encouraging strong and committed marriages, our children will understand that vocations require commitment. And if we strive for holiness in our marriages then our children will see the importance of holiness, and hopefully strive for it themselves.
It is not celibacy or a male-only priesthood that is at the heart of our crisis in vocations to the priesthood. It is lack of commitment to vocation. If we don’t model a commitment to our marriage vocation then our children won’t be committed to their vocation–whether it be priesthood or marriage.
(cross-posted on Salvation Is An Adventure)
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Actually, it's more about finding and being faithful to one's mission than promoting one of them.
Makes sense.
Most of the men I know who are currently in seminary or who are recently ordained come from — not surprisingly — homes where Mom and Dad are very happily married.
(I might add that just as often, it seems, the happy families they come from are, relatively speaking, "large" ones.)
Tim, I won't negate anything you've said here, but I will add the point that came across in the pastoral letter by the Sioux City bishop also posted on this site: the current crisis is not one of men not being attracted to the priesthood; it's a faith crisis. This is a cynical and untrusting age, seduced by moral relativism and unwilling to recognize the beauty and importance of faith in Christ. Add a heap of narcissism and selfishness unchecked by the loving responsibility of a healthy family, as you point out, and we got ourselves a real problem.
When I left the seminary and re-united with the beautiful woman who became my bride, a Phillipino friend said to her that it was a saying in his country that if a woman "took" a man from the priesthood, she had to "make up for it" by giving ten sons to the Church. (He was half-joking.)
We're three sons and a daughter on our way.
You are absolutely right, Mike. There is a crisis of faith. Moral relativism and the negative pull of our culture (particularly when it comes to sexuality) are a large part of the issue we are facing with vocations to the priesthood.
The question that remains is how do we combat moral relativism and the pull of our culture? Being in youth ministry, and working with teens, I firmly believe that the best way to do that is to encourage strong family relationships. There is only so much I, or the pastors of the parishes I work for, can do to help youth to combat our society. We must, as a Church, encourage strong marriages and families. Doing so will help future generations overcome the crisis of faith we now face and lead to more vocations–to both marriage and the priesthood.
Tim,
You see, you started with encouraging marriage and now you talk about encouraging strong family relationships, which I think, is a better approach. Marriage as such won't change anything if its meaning and implications are not fully understood.
We need to encourage people to do what God wants them to do. Too often we ask what they want to do. That is the completely wrong question. It is all about what God wants. The key is discernment and then living our vocation.
We need to encourage those called to married life to live it the best they can. Will that help vocations in the (very) long run? Sure, but that is not the reason to encourage faithfulness to one's vocation. We need to be faithful to our vocation because that is what God wants us to do. If society (or a majority of it) recommits itself to following God's will in marriage and all other endeavors, that would indeed be transformative in ways beyond just priestly vocations.
But this is not a one or the other thing – we need to get people paying attention to what God wants for them. That said, there is no dearth of people encouraging marriage, but I do see people discourage priestly vocations for their own children. They push doctor or lawyer and talk about grandchildren, but never discuss being a priest or nun. Or they say, "if they are called" when referring to religious life, but not for anything else. So vocations are de facto discouraged. Some families, including those that appear to be otherwise strong Catholic families, downright discourage vocations.
So while promoting good marriage is great, we do need to tackle vocations head on. In fact, both come under the larger heading of understand what God wants us to do. And the call to the priesthood or religious life requires extra attention because it is the vocation so easily drowned out by the cacophony of the modern world.
I just listened to a talk from a local Marian Conference by Bishop Sample from the Diocese of Marquette and he was telling a story when he had given a homily about vocations. He was talking to a woman afterwards about one of her boys having a vocation to the priesthood and she said something to the effect of, "Oh no, not Jimmy, he's got too much going for him."
There are lots of traditionally-minded single Catholics out there desperate to get married, and there is nothing for us! NOTHING!!! Singles are totally ignored at every Catholic Church I have been to, including especially those Churches that have a singles group that meets in the basement so they can be ignored more pointedly. Online dating is a fraud. Evangelical churches make a big deal of introducing singles and providing a social context that encourages marriage. In the Catholic Church, you are on your own, baby. How you can talk about "saving" marriage and be oblivious to the real struggles of single 30 and 40-something men and women in the Church who are actually faithful to Church teaching is beyond me. If we were willing to cut corners and date non-Catholics we might have been married (after a fashion) long ago. Instead we are doomed to perpetual singlehood.
J.P.,
First of all, I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time finding a ministry that serves Catholic singles. There are some really good ones out there. My diocese has a vibrant young adult ministry. While it is not strictly for singles and is mainly for those in their 20's and 30's, they do allow adults into their 40's attend their functions. Maybe your diocese has something.
Secondly, you seem passionate about having a ministry for singles. Start one! You don't have to wait for someone else to do it. That is the problem with many things in our churches (Catholic and otherwise). They want to be ministered to but are unwilling to take leadership roles in that ministry. The parish priests cannot do everything. They rely heavily on their parishioners to coordinate and lead the many ministries in their churches. Don't wait for someone else to start a singles ministry in your parish. Schedule an appointment with your pastor and talk to him about starting one yourself.