[Originally posted on Super(Catholic)Man.]
Recently, I posted a slightly snarky comment on Facebook regarding “10.2% unemployment” and “change”.
My sister responded with her own comment, which is decidedly further left than my own position. Now Thanksgiving is coming up and, as we do each year, we will all (my brother, my sister and her “partner” and all of our respective children, spouses and grandchildren) converge on my parent’s home for the hyper-calorie fest. There will be ham, turkey, scads of casseroles, a passel of pies and who knows what else to fill 48 hours of family fun.
What won’t be there? Religion and politics. Oh, I’ll be asked to lead the blessing at meals, but that will be my father’s token approval of my conversion to the Church. They aren’t an atheistic or agnostic lot, so that helps. But as long as we don’t cross those lines, we all get along just fine.
But when someone steps over the line, they really step into it.
So my new policy, beginning with last year’s ode to gluttony, was to reject any efforts to goad me broach these areas. No politics or religion. If they have a question, I’ll be happy to answer, but I won’t debate it or try to convince anyone of anything. It isn’t easy either–both subjects are near and dear to me.
This was a tough call. My kids love to visit the farm and make plans for “cookie week”–where all of the kids old enough to use the bathroom on their own spend a full week in December making cookies with their grandmother. My married children bring their kids and share their own joy from childhood. It is a special time for everyone.
[My folks are 69, so they are still young enough to handle the hustle and bustle.]
So you’d think my parents, siblings and I would be more like-minded.
My brother, divorced forever ago, and his kids come with his grandchild from his daughter, an unwed mom. My sister and her “partner” bring their boys, two great twin fireballs (anonymous donor, of course). Both of them represent living “proof” that these modern choices are just “fine”. Everyone is happy. Everyone is satisfied with where they are in life.
At first I thought that sharing all of this would be too much information, but then I realized that lots of families are like this. The only one uncomfortable is me. I’m the only “traditional” member of my family (out of my parents and siblings) left. I’ve been married for 27 years, 8 kids and 5 grandchildren.
I’m trying to let my example speak instead of my words. But sometimes the roar of silence is deafening.
I extended the policy to Facebook, and probably offended my sister in the process. I’m not willing to “poison the well” before I get dessert.
How do you handle these things in your extended families? Am I alone? Thank goodness we don’t have alcohol…
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When I go see my mom's side of the family, it gets interesting. My mom's a convert and I'm a firebrand (esp. after a glass or two of red wine) so it turns into Baron contra Mundi pretty quickly. Last Thanksgiving we were talking about my up and coming nuptials and one of my aunts is a liberal from CA. I made on off hand victory shot at Prop 8 and it degenerated from there. Turned into a discussion on the nature of the family and abortion. Soon I found myself fending off 4 family members blithely telling me how a woman's lifestyle was worth an unknown child's life. They actually agreed it was killing, but that's OK in some cases to them. It was a good thing I stopped at 2 glasses.
Let's just say I'm not overly popular with that side of the family. However everyone knows where I stand. I guess that's the advantage of being a hot head.
All rather biblical, isn't it?
Matthew 10:
32"Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven.
33"But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.
34"Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
35"For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW;
36and A MAN'S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD.
37"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
38"And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
39"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
I understand, FamilyMan, Rich has a good quote. But division does not always mean open warfare. A few other quotes help from the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew):
5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
5:11 Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me.
5:13-16 "You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.
7:6 "Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces."
That last one feels harsh, but I think it fits for this kind of situation(all three come from the Sermon on the Mount).
Being a peace maker and being ridiculed are blessings. We are called to be salt and light in the world. Flavor that which needs flavoring by your faith, and certainly don't hide it. BUT we must use prudence in sharing what is holy and sacred.
Not sure if I am effectively communicating my point, but it is OK to witness in prudential silence.
Family Man, I come from a family of six kids. My oldest sister left the Church to become Lutheran with her husband. One of my younger sisters became a nun(School Sisters of Notre Dame)and her views politically and religiously are rather left of mine. My youngest sister tries hard to raise her family Catholic but has a husband who isn't much help. My two brothers want nothing to do with the Catholic Church or any other for that matter. My wife and I have 7 kids and homeschool. I have found that I need to keep my opinions to myself so my mother and father can enjoy family gatherings. There is definitely a double standard when it comes to what opinions are OK to voice at family gatherings. Recently I have been questioning the wisdom of our Catholic Churches stepping into politics. One of my brothers claims he left the Church because of mixing politics with religion. I wonder what our churches would be like if pastors focused solely on preaching the Gospel to us and converting our hearts, and then if the Catholic Church had faith in us as members that once our hearts were converted we would go out and do the right thing (politically or otherwise). Just a thought. God Bless
Leave religion and politics out of the home get-togethers. Give your mom and dad the peace from potential distressing arguments whether they can handle it or not. Show them your patience, sacrifice and love. Show Christ to them. Pray for them and your family.
Just a note to Paul W.: If the Church doesn't speak for the defensless unborn by "mixing" with politics, who will? The majority of "Catholics" voted in a radical pro-abortionist because of the Church's silence on preaching the sins of abortion and euthanasia during feel-good homilies. The Bishops would be complicit in this evil if they kept silent. In fact, isn't that what the left is falsely accusing the Church of doing during WWII regarding not speaking against the Holocaust? The devil would love the Church to stay silent.
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