[...]Catholic Dads » Porn Addiction – Identification and Help.[...]…

[...]Catholic Dads » Porn Addiction – Identification and Help.[...]…

God bless all, Dave

I say this, and I have to tread carefully here, because based off the information you gave me (as an addict, NOT a counselor/psycologist) this *could be* the more advance stages of addiction. I see many people come into our program after being busted by thier wives speaking a lot of the details you just described. However, this also could very well just a case of adultry too – and addiction has no role in it. But some of the other information you gave me leads me more to the conclusion that he has a problem.

Regardless, let me make something perfectly clear — this DOES NOT give him the right to do this. It is sinful, and he is severely damaging the covenant he made before you and God. Period, end of story.

My first suggestion, and this may not make sense, is to find one on one counseling for yourself, by yourself (not with your husband), without his knowledge (for now). This is the first step.

I say this, because some healthy lines need to be drawn and you need a 3rd party who is trained to help you see what is truly going on and help you navigate the rough waters. Because it will probably mean confrontation in some manner and you need to be armed with the tools that give you and your marriage the best chance to survive.

One of the biggest mistakes a spouse makes is they make HIS recovery HER responsibility. A spouse needs to seek help herself, get tools to pull from, draw healthy bouncries, stick with them, and give thier spouse alternatives to get help. But short of giving the spouse alternatives to getting help and holding those boundries – it is the addict's responsibility to get better.

Sometimes that means hitting a bottom, which can mean the threat of seperation, loss of kids and wife, or even divorce. However, a counselor can help you figure out the best way to proceed and to give your marriage a chance.

I reccomend calling your health insurance to arrange counseling – it usually involves 5 free sessions and then 20 or so at a co-pay. If you don't have insurance or wish to speak to a Catholic counselor specifically, I would contact the Archdioces who also have links to counseling.

I *DO* reccomend asking either the health insurance company or Archdiocies about getting someone who has a specialty in Sex Addiction or Addiction in general. I was able to find a Christian (not specifically) Catholic counselor who did specialize in it.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but remember this is only Step One – the professional will help you in navigating the next steps.

Concentrate on YOU, not HIM for now – get your ducks in a row, and then engage him. That will give you both the best chance.

As always, feel free to write me directly – sawyerswalk @ gmail . com

Pornography is evil and those who indulge make themselves slaves to it. The Internet has enabled porn and causal infidelity.

For you, remember what Theresa of Avila said: "He who has God Finds he lacks nothing: God alone suffices." Should all the world fall away from you and you stand alone, as long as you cling to God, you will be in safe hands. I offer my prayers for you and that your husband will see the light, return to God and to you in his heart. I pray that the suffering you are going through because of this brings you closer to our Lord.

He lied and told me that it was the first time he ever did that and then I did some digging and found that he had "cyber love poems" in his bookmarks, which proved to me that he was sending her this stuff before his so-called "first time" having "cyber-sex".

I don't think he has stopped this relationship, he's just better at hiding it. He's also, now, playing on-line poker until all hours of the night. He refuses to go to marriage counseling and to make it worse, he has not only fallen away from the Catholic religion, but has just told me that he is a full-fledged atheist. So, trying to direct him toward your 12 step program won't work because he thinks that God is nothing but a fairy tale.

I'm at a loss. I don't want to end my marriage of 37 years, but I can't live like this either. I made a vow, "in sickness and in health", and I do believe that porn is a sickness. Do you have any suggestions as to where I can go with this?

I'm sorry for the long comment, and I'm sorry for signing in as anonymous. I have a blog and don't want my identity revealed. Thank you, and God Bless you for your work.