Catholic Dads » Bill Donaghy

Peace Out

Bill Donaghy — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 10:21:00 +0000

“Maintain a spirit of peace and you will save a thousand souls.”
- St. Seraphim

We just finished a week’s vacation in Maine with the family “from the north” – my dad, brother, wife, and two little ones. My brother Sean manages a summer camp “up they’ah” and he took us all on a little pleasure cruise last night. We slipped over the glassy surface of Washington Pond, just as the sun was tipping his hat to the day on the western rim of the world, in a pontoon boat. It was recently “kitted out” with new carpet and new cooshy seats, each equipped with a snazzy drink holder. In essence, it’s like taking your living room out for a drive (or float I should say).

Our little guy is just 11 months old now (we can’t believe it), and Sean and Amy’s little ones are each under 5. Needless to say, the down time for us adults is few and far between. It comes in dribs and drabs, like scattered coins that we’re quick to pick up. Last night’s cruise, brief as it was, came like a shower of gold.

The kids were strapped, secured, and seated, and under the watchful eyes of five adults. So for a few moments, slipping out across the cool water, we each in our turns could let the mind wander….

Water lapping up on the hull.
Wind over the face.
Dark pines on the edge of the water.
Sunshine peeking through the trees. Sunshine pouring honey on the
lake’s skyward gaze.
A loon in the distance.
The face of my father looking out and up as he held the throttle that muttered bubbly commands to the engine below. And on the deck, quiet submission.

For just seconds at a time, a quiet surrender to the peace of the moment. Then words. Then a laugh or a thought. Then stillness again, and a loving glance at Reality. I heard Rebecca say to our little niece, “Nature is God’s book for us to read.”

The dance of light on the surface. The cool evening breeze. The clear sky turning deep blue and orange at its edges.

Isn’t this what all our work is for? Aren’t these quiet movements of the body and soul through the world the moments we treasure? This stillness. This pause. This breathing pace. Not long. Not belabored. They come fast through the dark fields of our space like the Perseids and then they are gone. But the memory stays. The flash, the awe, the wonder of the thing leaves its indelible mark on the soul. And if we’re still, open, listening, these fleeting seconds, I believe, can change us. Strengthen us.

In the flurry of our work in the “real world” these moments of peace can keep us afloat.

Peter vs Mary

Bill Donaghy — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:30:00 +0000

Does the Church believe that men are better than women? Why can’t women be priests? When is the Vatican going to break free of this outdated patriarchal system of “government” and get with the times?

Hmmm. On this feast day of Sts. Peter and Paul, the rocks on which the Church was built, I wonder if in certain circles, these questions aren’t stirred up again with new ardor.

The mystics tell us that there are two dimensions to life, two movements of the heart, two approaches to reality and spirituality. They are as big and as cosmic as Earth and Sky, Sun and Moon, Masculine and Feminine. They are the Petrine Way and the Marian Way.

Many of us tend to plod along in our faith journey following the Petrine Way; named after St. Peter, impetuous, lovable, “open mouth insert foot” Peter. It is active, leaps ahead, goes, grabs, speaks with passion and is a very productive way, no doubt. Generally speaking, it has masculine characteristics. To get closer to God, I’m going to “do” this or that…. get involved in a group, knock on doors, do the stations every day, read the entire Bible in a year, etc. It springs forth from us, from our initiative.

There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s the active branch of the Active/Contemplative paradigm that makes up the Christian Way of life. In the Martha and Mary gospel story, this is Martha.

But it is not the only way to live in the Spirit that God has poured into our hearts. In fact, the primordial way, the first way, the fundamental posture for those who thirst for the Holy Spirit is the Marian Way, modelled after Mary, the Mother of Jesus. This in fact, is the “better part” that Martha’s sister chose, and Jesus said it shall not be taken from her.

This Way is receptive, it waits, receives, is still. It listens to Words and contemplates the Word. By no means, incidentally, is it to be confused with passivity. This is (paradoxically) an active listening, and eager expectation that the Gift of God should be done unto me, should be given unto me! This Way leads to our being filled with God. Mother Teresa knew this well. She said only the heart that is empty can be filled. The receptive heart is empty of agendas, aggressive opining, over analyzing. It is essentially feminine.

And the saints and mystics say that in relation to God we are all of us feminine…

Guys, this is NOT an affront to our manhood. It simply means that God is Creator, we are creature. It means God (Who is neither male or female) is essentially “masculine” – He initiates, He gives, He impregnates, and we respond, we receive, we are filled with the seed of His Divine Life.

So who’s “better” – man or woman? Well, no answer really. Both are creatures equal in dignity, called to respond, receive, conceive the Divine Life. But at the same time, Peter’s shining moments did come to him when he was essentially “receptive” – when he stopped talking and started taking in what God was saying to him.

Jesus said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.

It seems clear that in that moment, Peter “looked up” – he opened his mind and heart and received that Word from the Father. This was Peter’s Marian moment. Perhaps this is why Pope John Paul II called Mary the icon of all humanity, and called for a rediscovery of the “feminine genius” in our times…. our overly productive, aggressively masculine times. Why he called woman God’s masterpiece.

Just some thoughts to shed light on more questions. We need both ways, but the foundation lies in the feminine. Let’s ponder this one some more today. Am I first a receiver of God’s gifts? Or do always make the first move, on my own, from my own strength, my own agenda?

“Only those who have learned to remain with Jesus, are ready to be sent by Him to evangelize.”

- Pope John Paul II

The Two Towers – Boy Wonder Returns!

Bill Donaghy — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:57:00 +0000

Yes, clearly I DO have too much time on my hands…. I’m a teacher who’s off for the summer. What’d ya expect? Enjoy the second installment of the Tower of Binky… the Two Towers! (Coming soon, Return of the Binky!)

The Tower of Binky!

Bill Donaghy — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 09:19:00 +0000

Well, what can I say? Give me a half day of school and a free afternoon while Rebecca runs some errands… and you get this piece of cinematic diversion! Me and the Boy gettin’ silly! PS – There’s no need to tell me I have too much time on my hands, by the way. I’m a teacher and the school year just closed! So I do!! Stay tuned for me random antics…

The Boy Who Saved Us

Bill Donaghy — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:37:00 +0000

God sure knew what He was doing when he decided that the human species would be able to procreate and raise little humans. For one thing, I see it as His ingenious way of getting the male component outside of their own heads once and for all. Ladies, I imagine you need sweet liberation from your own mental gymnastics of self-seeking fulfillment too, from time to time.

I have discovered that babies have the potential to pull the selfless out of the selfish. When you become a Mommy or a Daddy, powers are unleashed that could not have been extracted in any other way, except perhaps through some great trauma or suffering or epiphany. It’s amazing, exhausting, exhilarating…. “It is life nearest the bone where it is sweetest.”

Our nearly 9 month old baby boy continues to astound, capture, and captivate our hearts on a daily basis. We wake and walk the halls at 3am, and love it. We hear him cry and we run to him. He poops, or should I say explodes, and we think, get this, that it’s cute. And we want to clean it up. We sing to him all day long, and Daddy, over-productive, always reading, writing, e-mailing, planning, or presenting Daddy has been wasting time, squandering time, spilling out time doing nothing (read here everything) with his son. Including making random YouTube videos of his antics… The Boy Wonder discovers the Blues!

Rebecca and I look back at the now seemingly short 5 years of infertility that began our marriage; the days of waiting and longing for a life to share our life with, of the periods when literally everyone we knew was pregnant, or holding a little one in their arms. Our days of seeking help, of discovering adoption at the embryonic level, of Snowflakes, of more sorrows, of miscarriages and then moments with our little Gracie, so sweet and so sad and so short-lived. We were in the Barren Desert, again and again. We were trying hard not to grasp at children as if they were a right. We still hold fast to the truth that all life is a gift, and the timing is in God’s time.

That time is now! Now this most unexpected gift of our son has come! And the years dissipate like thin wisps of mourning mist. And the years of “just us” (which in itself was so full and so rich) has only served to heighten our senses and sensitivities to this Small Wonder of a Boy. Every smile, every giggle, every tear, every thing is a grace. So God surely knows and knew what He was doing. We just had to wait it out, and will again in some new form down the road, I’m sure. I just hope we remember the simple truth that “good things come to those who wait.”

And that, my friends, is the understatement of the year!

Has Christopher West Gone South?

Bill Donaghy — Wed, 27 May 2009 18:17:00 +0000

(The videos embedded in this post show a more articulated and contextual unpacking of key points in the Pope’s teaching on the Theology of the Body and are a necessary addition to the news interview mentioned below. I hope they help!)

In the past week since ABC Nightline aired a 6 minute video interview on Christopher West, articles have tried to articulate, posts have posited, and Twitter has been twittering with people’s reactions to its content. Many have been overwhelmingly positive, seeing through the roughly 10 substantial distortions and misquotes from the 6 minute piece (each clarified by Christopher here), grateful that even a glimmer of the Church’s beautiful teaching slipped through the mainstream to potentially 4 million viewers. Others have used up large pockets of cyberspace to attack and belittle one of their own rather than the slanted ABC interview.

Samples of this attack:

“He (Christopher West) is one of the many self-help gurus out their that market their perspectives, attract people who are spiritually foundering, and make a living off their presentations, books, and dvd’s… In my diocese (that would be Philadelphia, folks), all those into West have no real spiritual foundation. They follow cultural phenomenon, become spoke people for this “New” understanding and wind up in the end with the usual nothing… Give him time, and he will self-destruct like the rest of them.”

- GM

“I’m shocked and horrified by the words that he uses. His mere mention of Hugh Hefner is to my mind an abomination.”

- AVH

“From what I have read, both in the article and from respondants to it, Mr. West has become inflated by the success of his venture. Humility and purity go hand in hand, and it seems he has lost both virtues.”

- C

I felt a deep sadness and frustration in reading some of these comments. It seems the Pharisees are alive and well in the Church today. Here is a deeply faithful, prayerful, humble, and yes, very passionate man who has given his life to unpacking the very dense and philosophical truth in the Theology of the Body for hundreds of thousands of people who may never have had the chance to read or hear it, while some of his brother and sister Catholics sit in their pews and criticize him.

Jesus was called a drunkard, he was mocked for eating with tax collectors and sinners and talking to prostitutes. He was completely misunderstood and misrepresented by the religious leaders of His day. And every person who follows in his footsteps and tries to engage the culture and bring them the Water of Life gets the same wagging finger from the self-righteous.

Of course the media gave a skewed reading of this teaching. The lens with which it looks is still cracked. But some of the Truth could still be seen through that camera, and it has cut like a surgeon’s knife right into our Manichean tumor that has thought the body evil or dirty, and sex something we shouldn’t talk about in public. But if the Church doesn’t speak of this beautiful mystery of human sexuality, who will? We all know the answer to that question.

The silence on sex in the pulpit and from many of our parents regarding sexuality since the 60′s has not prepared any of us well for the media tidal wave that is sweeping away another generation. I say God bless Christopher for speaking this truth.

Has he perhaps gone too far south in his work? Is he too “vulgar”? Well the word means the “folk speech, the common tongue.” Maybe going south is exactly where the Spirit is leading him. Deep south… into the heart…

The heart is our hidden center, beyond the grasp of our reason and of others; only the Spirit of God can fathom the human heart and know it fully. The heart is the place of decision, deeper than our psychic drives. It is the place of truth, where we choose life or death. It is the place of encounter…
- Pope John Paul II

Some who severely critiqued Christopher rather than the interviewers have clearly never read the Pope’s words, let alone Christopher’s. They are crucifying a man based on a distorted 6 minute news clip. Read the Theology of the Body. Be still with it, pray… and pray for God’s flawed and faithful servants who have the courage to face the culture, and speak to its heart.

40 Days by Matt Maher

Bill Donaghy — Tue, 05 May 2009 22:28:00 +0000

There’s something catchy about these images, and the tune by Matt Maher. A friend sent it to me today. It’s more of a Lenten tune but hey…. we’re always called to discipline, right guys?

Peace,
Bill

"Be Empty and Stagnify"

Bill Donaghy — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 10:08:00 +0000

“Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something. What you know, you can’t explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there. Like a splinter in your mind… driving you mad.”

- Morpheus, The Matrix

The more deeply I delve into Pope John Paul II’s new sexual revolution (found in his teaching on the Theology of the Body) the more I come to realize the absolute insanity of the present state of things.

WARNING: The following words will either ruffle your feathers or unbind them so you can take flight.

Look objectively for a moment at the way the human body is treated today. Look at the magazine covers in your local supermarket, assess the value of the human person by spending 10 minutes watching television, and you’ll be tempted to believe that sex is a drug and we are all inextricably addicted. (Sex, that is, torn apart from its true meaning.)

We’re gorging ourselves on feelings and casting away our fertility. We’ve severed the life-line that is tied to the ship that is meant to take us home. The most God-like attribute we possess, that of generating a new human life, is stripped away from the sexual embrace. Something tells us that there must be more to sex than just feeling, bonding, pleasure, comfort. A still, small voice in our hearts whispers…. “in the beginning… it was not so.” There is a deep mystery welling up in this act that has always drawn us along, like the fragrance of the Orient in the Song of Songs. But our vision has beendisoriented. Our senses have been desensitized.

How and why did this happen? Who told us that separating the fruit from its roots would bring us true happiness? Let’s review…

1. In the beginning, God creates many different things to compliment each other and form one thing – the Universe; sun and moon, earth and sky, land and sea, then man and woman in His image, that is, in the image of the Blessed Trinity, that Divine Whirlwind of ceaseless infinite Love that made all things out of love. It’s a beautiful dance and an exchange of opposites that attract. To quote the old song – “You are the sun, I am the moon, you are the words, I am the tune…. play me!”

2. This play was the first word God spoke to us (nobody remembers this today!), He placed the man and the woman naked in a garden paradise. God’s first command to the happy couple is “Be fruitful and multiply!” Notice it does not begin with “Thou Shalt Not.” It’s actually more akin to “Let’s party!” God offered them the freedom to enjoy the Gift of one another as husband and wife; to love and begin a family of persons (just as God Himself is a Family in the Trinity).

3. Now this party is not, however, about a quick fix or some hedonistic indulgence. Through the sincere gift of self, the first man and woman enter into the mystery of that one flesh union that has literally spawned the human race (again, just as God’s generous Love generates the Universe). Adam and Eve’s embrace is a glimmer or a foretaste of that heavenly rapture that awaits all who love God. The Catholic Catechism says that in the “joys of their love, God gives spouses a foretaste of the joys of Heaven.” Amen! The gift is a total gift; free, faithful, and fruitful. It keeps the totality of the person (fertility and all) intact. Anything less would be a diminishing of love.

So far so good! But what happened? Well, there was one thing they were asked to respect and refrain from taking from; it’s the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If we grasp at that tree, we die.

Fair enough. God is the Creator after all; He’s the One Who alone reveals the Good and warns us of the consequences of not choosing what is Good for us. Good and Evil, God is showing us, are constants, objective realities as steady as the stars. They are meant to guide us. Good is what the human heart is made for, Evil is the dark hole left when Good is stripped away.

Was the Original Sin a refusal to trust this Truth? Was it an abuse of human freedom, a misdirected grasping at pleasure or power over the purpose of human life? Was it a failure to image God?

Today, across the boards we see the counter-sign, the alternate reality, and the twisting of the Truth we were made for all around us. God’s call to us to “Be fruitful and multiply!” has become a “Be empty and stagnify.”

And empty we are. The results of the so-called sexual revolution of the 60′s surround us. Are there better marriages, happier relations, peace in the battle between the sexes? Is Life celebrated, family loved and respected, children seen as a gift and fertility valued as a woman’s greatest power? Quite the contrary. By grasping at pleasure apart from procreation, we have left in our hands only withered remains of the dream of happiness.

But there were two trees in that First Garden. Beside the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was the Tree of Life. And God’s mercy invites us to rest beneath its shade. This is the fruit that lasts and the love that truly satisfies. And God invites us to it! Did not Jesus, the New Adam, die on this Tree to save us? Isn’t the Wood of the Cross the One Tree that has borne fruit for so many centuries? To this Tree of Life the men and women of our time are invited to “taste and see” and to “take and eat.”

This Tree alone can plant the seeds that will finally blossom into a Culture of Life!

Put THIS in Your Stimulus Package

Bill Donaghy — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:38:00 +0000

I have a great idea for a Stimulus Package that will save us $800 billion dollars. Get this…. It’s called the Love Your Neighbor and Quit Being Greedy Action Plan.

Here’s how it works:

- In all of your decisions, don’t make profit, expansion, progress, or power the end. Use them as a means to another end…

- and that end is, get this… people. Us. Men and women.

It’s a crazy idea, I know, but I got to thinking that the most precious resource, the greatest asset, the golden fire that makes the world go ’round is actually NOT money. It’s people and a passion for people – men and women and children, in all of their manifold appearances of poverty, sickness, oppression, beauty, talent, gifts and contributions.

So the fuel to drive this Stimulus Package, whose end would not be spending but the idea of giving for the revitalization of men and women and families who are the living stones that make up businesses, factories, and corporations, would be… Love.

Yes, it’s a little old school, a little archaic. But give it a whirl and you’ll be amazed at how much a little of that love your neighbor stuff can carry you, and carry others.

Our Amazing Grace

Bill Donaghy — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 15:33:00 +0000

I’ve shared about our story of adoption, both with our baby boy (so new and so beloved to us), and of our little ones over the last few years, 12 of whom went to God before ever seeing the light of day. I’m so happy to say that, for a short while, Little 13 saw that light.

Baby Grace Elizabeth came to us early on Sunday, the feast of the Epiphany and of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton (we think Gracie planned it that way). We waited, praying, while the c-section proceeded. Someone sneezed and we all whispered “God bless you.” And the doctor said “That was Grace.” What a way to come into the world! Blessed in her very first seconds.

She cried and squeezed our fingers, she turned her fragile head towards the light more than once. I baptized her with water from a tiny cup and we prayed, not knowing how long she would live in her condition. Then she fought for 10 hours before going back to God. She gave up her spirit just after the Angelus bells at 6pm.

For how this day unfolded in the plan of Our Father, we could not have asked for more. We had the tremendous blessing of family, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins around her, hugging and kissing her all day. Photographs and videos were taken, our pastor came and blessed her, and a dear friend from Maryland came too; he and his wife having lost their own precious daughter at birth, and truly knowing our pain.

We sang “Amazing Grace,” we prayed together, and Gracie met her big brother too. We wept, wishing she could stay, but at the end of the day we had a sense that she was going. Family left the room after saying their goodbyes, (over 20 people who had shared time with Grace), and then in our dimly lit room, Rebecca, Seth, Grace and I huddled up. We kissed her and sang hymns, and prayed some more. Seth rested peacefully beside his sister for an hour, allowing his parents the grace to cherish every breath Grace took. For an hour, a holy hour, we kept vigil. And then she went home, and now she is whole.

We are so thankful for all of the prayers of people near and far. Messages have come literally from all over. What does this mean? That life is precious, that one little life so fragile and so fair as Grace’s can have such an impact on our hearts. Grace Elizabeth lived just 10 hours but filled our hearts with enough memories for a lifetime. “Every little move she made was magic.”

We have truly felt “carried” this week by so much love and support. God has been with us at the foot of this Cross; on it in fact with Grace, we believe. We prayed for one miracle and got so much more…. “grace upon grace.”

Grace Elizabeth Donaghy
Born – January 4, 2009, 8:04am
Died – January 4, 2009, 6:08pm

Baptized, Beloved, and Beautiful. We will NEVER forget you, our little saint. Rest now in your Father’s arms. Love you forever, Mommy, Daddy, and your big brother Seth.

“Every human life is sacred, because every human person is sacred.”

– Pope John Paul II

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Read all the posts on Grace’s Story
Listen to Rebecca’s Song for Grace
Embryo Adoption
Amazing Grace