Big Brothers are Great

We had a guest the other night joining us for dinner. After the meal when the children were cleaning up and washing dishes, our guest asked, “Don’t your children fight?”
Lana and I looked at each other and pondered.
“Not really,” we replied, “They have occasional disagreements but these get sorted out pretty quickly.”
“Don’t they yell or scream at each other?” our guest asked in amazement.
“Rarely, but we stomped on that behaviour very early on and now they have learned appropriate conflict resolution skills. Also, when the children fight over something – a toy, a game or anything – we will get the object in dispute and tell them ‘If this is causing you to fight, we don’t want this thing in our home’ and then throw it in the bin. Pretty quickly the children learned that it wasn’t worth fighting over ‘stuff’”
“Hmm,” he said, sitting back and watching the children singing off key – but loudly – and obviously enjoying themselves while they were cleaning up.
That is one advantage of homeschooling. Rather than being thrown into the school jungle with no direct adult supervision, they are able to learn from adults when the problems occur, as memories are fresh and actions are obvious and not distorted by time and emotion. Of course, the pressure is on Lana and I to grow up too, which was probably the hardest part. We can’t expect them to follow appropriate problem resolution techniques if we are squabbling over stupid little things.
“Ahh, but what about when they get in the ‘real’ world? How about then huh?”
We actually believe the family is the “Real” world. School life certainly isn’t real life as what works in school doesn’t work anywhere else. So assuming “Real World” means the workplace, shops, sports and everything outside of home and school, we can answer that our methods work very well.
One on one taught conflict resolution techniques work great in the “outside” world. The children have been performing admirably in the shop and in sports teams in which they have participated.
So, the experiment continues…
Previous articles about sibling rivalry are here and here.

(The photo is of Eric teaching Martin to fire a bow and arrow. Martin concentrated very well and once he fired his arrow he went back to his primary role of arrow fetching.)

Cross Posted at BruggieTales.

More »

As I was lying in bed the other morning, in that half aware state between being asleep and awake, I was pondering how I would change my life going back with what I know now.

Cross Posted at BruggieTales.

More »

We recently had a fun time at a local park which has just refurbished their playground. There were ducks to feed, tadpoles to watch, things to climb and spinning things to, well, spin on.
The children really enjoy spending time together and we enjoy spending time with them. This seems to be such a counter cultural experience. When I announce we are going to have a “Family Day” all the children’s eyes light up and they look forward to whatever we are hoping to do – read out loud, go to a park, picnic, watch a movie, play cards, walk in the bush, whatever.
So often we are told that we are risking our children’s isolation and stunting their “socialisation” – whatever that is meant to mean. Yet, if socialisation is helping the children form an important part of society, I can’t think of a better way than raising healthy, well adjusted adults who actually enjoy their parents and siblings. All the concerns about “socialisation” seem to be based on mythical cases and theoretical situations as the reality is that healthy families – homeschooled or institutional schooled – are much better prepared for the realities of the adult world in which we live. One day all children need to shake off the artificial boundaries of school aged years and confront the world around us. Some can do it younger, others delay the reckoning till their 20′s, 30′s or even 40′s.
We either pay now or pay later in all things we do. We have found that “paying” now in terms of time spent with the family is providing solid returns as the years move on.
Hooray for family life!

Cross Posted at BruggieTales.

More »

Last year I was asked what Dads do at homeschool camps and I will answer the question again this year. Dads get involved in the organisation, talks, sports and everything else as homeschooling is a family affair, not just Mum’s job.
At the beach the Dads typically act as beach patrol, calling the children back to safer areas. One of the dads has a really penetrating whistle which the children could hear above the waves. Every time they drifted too far away he would whistle, they would look and we would wave our hands getting them back near us. Also, after a long time at the beach, the littler ones found walking on the sand path a bit too tiring so they wanted to be carried. Here is one dad carrying Rose and his daughter back to the camp. (Click the photo for a closer view)
There were a number of talks and catechetical activities organised and the priests asked that the Dads to listen in to the talks for older children. (That’s me by the door while Father gives his talk).
One of the best activities for the fathers was the night we had a men’s talk and the ladies had their own. We all gathered in one of the halls with a cup of coffee or some dry biscuits and followed an agenda. The discussion was great with each of the dads giving their perspectives on raising children in today’s world. By 10pm we stopped and went to round up the younger children and see them to bed.
I noticed Lana wasn’t back from her talk so went to the cabin in which the ladies had gathered. There I saw the remains of cake, fancy biscuits, cheese and crackers, some wine and all the elements of a fine party! Typical! We hadn’t though of that. Next time we’ll arrange something little bit more physically rewarding to go with the mental feast.

Cross posted at Bruggie Tales.
(Other camp posts here and here)

More »

It has been two weeks since our daughter, Ariel, (16) started working full time at the local village store. She had been working there for two hours each morning for the last four months sorting the mail and assisting with the morning duties when a marvellous opportunity arose. The local TAFE (similar to Community College) offers a Retail training course – which is like an apprenticeship – for young people working in the retail industry. So our daughter is effectively working as an apprentice at a great place only a five minute walk from home.
Naturally, she has been pretty tired, as all adults can remember when they first started working. She is doing very well and the owner, Mr J (Pictured), is getting her involved in all aspects of the business.
Mr J is very clever in getting Ariel involved even when she tries a number of stratagems to hopefully avoid some of the responsibility.
One day Ariel informed Mr J that some more pies were needed. He suggested Ariel call the supplier, but she “didn’t get around to it”. Later, she once more told him more pies were needed. So he rang the pie supplier and said to the lady, “Ariel is an apprentice here and she is going to order some pies but she is a little bit shy.”
While he was talking, Ariel was saying “NO NO NO” in the background.
He then said to the lady, “Here she is,” and passed the phone to Ariel.
Ariel took the phone and she could hear the lady laughing. Ariel finally said softly, “Hello” and the lady replied, “I hear you are going to order some pies?”
Ariel then ordered the pies. Ariel is pretty sure the lady had heard her in the background saying No.
So why is Ariel working? I’m sure Ariel will tell her children that it is because “Dad said so”. I tell my children I went into accounting because Mum said so. Good thing mum did tell me as I didn’t know what I wanted to do and accounting worked out to be just right!
Ariel didn’t know what she wanted to do and she was ready to get more experience by working and studying at the same time. The opportunity was too good to turn away and we are all pretty happy with how it is going. When I consider that midshipmen commanded captured ships at 13 and 14 years of age, I’m sure our children should be able to shoulder more responsibility than seems to be the current norm of 18 to 24.

Cross Posted at Bruggie Tales.

More »

Domenico posted on this same topic yesterday, and I had to put in my bit too!
Gerald of The Cafeteria is Closed asked the question “What’s so great about children?” There are lots of comments (64 at last count) but I thought the question deserved an answer here.
I have always looked at these type of “Meaning of Life” questions in the same way I solve business issues at my clients. Take a step back, strip out the answers such as “But we have always done it that way!” and do a Chesterton type examination.
By the way, you can’t really plan children. You can certainly say “No”, but you can’t guarantee children will arrive by saying “Yes”.
Anyway the benefits of children depend greatly on the manner in which you accept them. If you treat them as a burden or expense and focus on the ways they cramp your lifestyle, take away your freedom and give very little return for all the trouble you have taken – then they aren’t great at all. This is basically the so-called Devil’s Advocate position Gerald posited in his post. But it’s all rubbish.
Let’s use the same arguments with a new car.

Why bother with a new car? It just costs money, fuel is so expensive and smelly, it gets dirty and you have to clean it, the expense is constant even if you don’t use it with taxes and fees, there’s no more together time as you are driving everywhere, you lose fitness rather than walking, you have to park it somewhere. And once it gets too old you have to sell it or trade it in on a new one and lose more money. Gosh, why would you get a car anyway?

So, ignoring the silly short sighted criticisms of children, the primary thing children actually do is create parents.
Parents are forced to grow up and take responsibility for their actions. They cannot continue to act like teenagers with lots of money. A Dad and Mum now need to consider someone else. Someone who amazingly looks like them and shares many of their own characteristics – both good and bad.
And do you know the really surprising thing? The more the parents embrace their new roles, the greater the grace of marriage acts on them. They grow closer together despite the reduction in “Me” time. It’s the “Us” time that is actually more important.
The children react to the unselfish love and respond in kind. Even children that go to school and are bombarded with “Me! Me! Me!” messages all day can still survive with their family love intact as love is quieter in volume but much more invasive internally. Love sticks.
Children are able to multiple love. Each additional child does not mean the same love must now be divided again. Somehow each child increases the total love more than in a straight mathematical line. If the love between Dad and Mum is 2, a baby makes it 3+x and another is 4+x+y and each one adding more again. This is all contingent on accepting and treating each and every child as a gift (which each child is).
We have found the other great feature of children is they are fun (see the 11th reason) The photo with this post is of Clare (child #5) and Rose (child #6) playing with Martin (child #7). We have been told that younger children in large families tend to be missed out and suffer isolation. Bah! Younger children get spoiled if anything with too much attention from all the rest. While Ariel (child #1, now 16) only had Lana and I, Martin has 8 other people to give him some attention on lots of different levels.
So, what’s so great about children? They made us grow up. In growing up we have enjoyed life far more and participated in so many activities we would never have experienced.

(Cross Posted at BruggieTales)

More »