How does one know if he (or she, and yes – there are female addicts) has a problem? Well, lets start with a very good definition from Sexaholic’s Anonymous, which happens to be the 12-Step program I am achieving sobriety in.
“We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.
Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options.”
Here is the catch, family members, friends, and spouses can see these characteristics (bold) in a addict way before the addict can. The addict, for the most part, can not. The key phrases bolded above our beyond what the porn addict can see while in the throws of the addiction. What makes an addict move forward, of his own accord, is usually exhaustion and pain. If he is deep in his or her addiction, and is lucky, he may start to see he has lost control, no longer
I am the average guy you see in the pew each week. I am married, I have two young daughters, my career is established, I am very active in my church and community. As matter of fact, I am an upcoming leader within my church.
I seem normal, except that I am addicted to pornography.
The usual response to this statement? Well, the response runs the gambit but is usually followed by a snicker. Most people don’t believe it is an addiction. Some argue it is a natural instinct to look at the opposite sex in a sexual way and that masturbation is a God given right.
So how do you get addicted to porn? There are many reasons which we may cover in more detail later. However, many people don’t realize that addiction often switches or morphs from one fixated object to another. It is not uncommon for an alcoholic that has successfully gained sobriety to accidently become addicted to drugs or vice versa. You would be surprised what addiction can encompass – alcohol, drugs, overeating, compulsive computer gaming, and even pornography or sex. I have heard many relate it to a giant “Whack a Mole” game from one of our childhood arcades. You lick the addictive action and it pops up somewhere else.
So, why have many not heard of this problem?
Well, this particular addiction is shamed based and recovery is not embraced by many. Unlike someone recovering from drugs or alcohol, I have to keep my recovery a secret for the addiction is greatly misunderstood. If my addiction ever was made public, my friendships, position in the church, and even my livelihood could be at risk.
My pastor put it best when he explained this to me…
“When you mention sex or pornography addiction, the first thing that comes to mind
A model for chastity and purity for our daughters, St. Maria Goretti (18), was stabbed to death rather than surrender her virginity. A model of forgiveness, she forgave her attacker as she died. And even after death, she reached from heaven to convert him.
Former NFL lineman Ed McGlasson shares how he helped his daughter become a woman and taught her the virtue of chastity and preserving herself for marriage.
The Duggars are expecting their 19th child. I have seen a number of Catholics commending the Duggars for their openness to life (I know, the Duggars are not Catholics but there are many Catholics who celebrate their example). But as their family continues to grow, my unease about their decision to have as many children as possible grows as well.
Obligatory disclaimer: I reject the claims (mostly from environmentalists) that large families are irresponsible and that children harm the earth. I believe that low birth rates in Europe and North America are hurting those societies. I also believe that other reasons given for small families, like the ability to provide financially, are exaggerated and focus too much on material concerns.
I have been trying to figure out what about the Duggars bothers me. Don’t they exemplify what the Catholic Church teaches?
The world says that we should have sex purely for its pleasurable aspect. But the Catholic Church teaches that sex is properly understood as being both unitive and procreative. In addition, the Church teaches that we should not be controlled by our base urges. Just because we feel the urge to have sex does not mean that we must submit to that urge. Engaging in sex purely for the pleasure rejects God’s purpose of sex between a husband and wife.
Now the Duggars have come to understand the unitive and creative aspects of sex that the Catholic Church teaches. They are open to life, so much so that they are producing as many children as is humanly possible. I have tried arguing with myself that they should be celebrated for rejecting the contraceptive culture and for embracing life.
Still the nagging feeling I had about the Duggars remained. Yes, they are open to life but it is obvious that
To control lust one must know the steps that lead to it. Agree? Read the following scripture passage and discover Satan’s secret steps to get you to fall into the sin of lust.
Here are Satan’s 6 Steps as Revealed from Scripture.
Daniel 13:7-11
When the people left at noon, Susanna used to enter her husband’s garden for a walk. When the old men saw her enter every day for her walk, they began to lust for her. They suppressed their consciences; they would not allow their eyes to look to heaven, and did not keep in mind just judgments. Though both were enamored of her, they did not tell each other their trouble, for they were ashamed to reveal their lustful desire to have her.
Discover these Bible “Secrets” to Conquer Lust …
and how we can combat them at each level.
saw her enter every day – Idleness is the devil’s play ground.
suppressed their consciences – The lustful thought is not a sin, but entertaining it is.
would not allow their eyes to look to heaven – Jesus gave us this example in John 17:1 “When Jesus had said this, he raised his eyes to heaven.” We must turn to God for help desiring purity and holiness.
did not keep in mind just judgments – 2 Chronicles 19:7 “Now then, let the fear of the LORD be upon you; take heed what you do, for there is no perversion of justice with the LORD our God, or partiality, or taking bribes.” A proper fear of the Lord produces righteousness,
Fellow Catholic Dads blogger, John Jansen posted this picture entitled Adam and Eve. It’s a “painting that … has [been] used in Theology of the Body presentations”.
I don’t know who painted it or where, but I feel compelled to re-post it. John says it speaks for itself, but I feel like it needs talking about.
It’s just so potent, so visceral. I see boredom and pain. I see people trapped in a mechanical sexual relationship without pleasure. I see addiction. The half-nakedness suggests a hot summer night whose carnal activities has not brought relief from the heat outside or passion from within.
She looks old, worn out, tired; but she continues to apply make up to try to make herself alluring — yet failing. She actually looks older than he does, suggesting some kind of cougar-love where the past-her-prime sexual aggressor actively seeks out the younger man to try to recapture her fading flower. Her vanity mirror is in front of her while she applies the makeup, but her eyes are sliding to the side, as if to see if Adam is still there, still caught in her wiles. Extending the metaphor, the classic pose of turning her head one way and her eyes another gives the viewers the impression that she is looking at us, to catch us too.
Adam looks spent, bored, and non-vital. He’s either asleep, in pain, or both as his slack-jawed expression suggests. He looks post-coital, as if he’s only just pulled on his pants. He grips the apple near his prominent crotch as he sits splay-legged. The apple
Here it is. The very first Catholic Dads Podcast. Act now and you can download the Collector’s Edition at no additional charge. Servers are standing by to process your order.
In this show I interviewed Dr. Richard Wetzel, author of Sexual Wisdom for Catholic Adolescents.
As acknowledged by the National Campaign to Reduce Teen Pregnancy, while overall rates of teen sex and teen pregnancy may have declined, it remains true that one in three girls who are sexually active will get pregnant. www.teenpregnancy.org/press/pdf/sciencesays23.pdf.
Youths whose parents talked to them about what is right and wrong in sexual behavior were significantly more likely to be abstinent than peers whose parents did not. familyfacts.org/findingdetail.cfm?finding=9283
Catholic young adults with higher levels of religious service attendance were, on average, less supportive of premarital sex, cohabitation, divorce, and more supportive of marriage than peers of other religious traditions who frequently attended religious services. Catholic young adults who never attended had, on average, similarly supportive views on premarital sex, cohabitation, divorce and marriage, compared to other peers who never attended religious services. familyfacts.org/findingdetail.cfm?finding=9160
The more often parents watched television with their teens and the more they limited television viewing, the less likely adolescents were to have sex. familyfacts.org/findingdetail.cfm?finding=9275
Catholic young adults with higher levels of religious service attendance were, on average, less supportive of premarital sex, cohabitation, divorce, and more supportive of marriage than peers of other religious traditions who frequently attended religious services. Catholic young adults who never attended had, on average, similarly supportive views on premarital sex, cohabitation, divorce and marriage, compared to other peers who never attended religious services. familyfacts.org/findingdetail.cfm?finding=9160
Children whose fathers attended church and those whose parents
I will be hosting the first Catholic Dads podcast this Wednesday, June 10th at 2:00 pm EDT/11:00 am PDT. I will be interviewing Dr. Richard Wetzel, author of Sexual Wisdom for Catholic Adolescents.
The podcast will be hosted live on Talkshoe.com. Click on this link to listen to the show live: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/51245. I will also record the interview and it will be available through this site in podcast form to play or download at your leisure.
You will have the opportunity to present your questions to Dr. Wetzel via the chat room on Talkshoe during the show. If you are unable to listen live but would like to present a question, email it to me at catholicdads@semperjase.com (this email will be for the podcast only. Any questions about this blog should still be directed to RobK.)
As Dr. Wetzel said in the book, “we live in a sexually charged culture.” Catholic Dads (and Moms) need to give their children a moral foundation to be prepared for what they will face as they get bombarded with sexual messages in society. Please join me on Wednesday.
Finally, I invite feedback on the idea of a podcast. Would you like more? If so, what topics are you interested in? Would you like to participate? Again, email me at catholicdads@semperjase.com
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